It's time to lift the pen again

I loved writing my thoughts, stories, poetries and just anything which I felt like writing because I had the free will. Some of which were structured work while many were just random as I just went with the flow of my thoughts. Every moment that I felt like remembering, was engraved somewhere in the white canvas and just kept safely inside a word file.

But, after a period of time I just lost my will to write, unable to lift my pen to write something in my diary or take my laptop and start typing snippets of story which I am carrying at that moment. Somehow, it just became too heavy to write a word physically or even type it. I just end up tearing the pages after writing for half a page or just deleting my word file and just dumping it in my recycle bin because what stupid things am I writing and it just doesn't make sense and nobody is going to read it or is there any point in my writing. Then, I will forget about writing or even remember that I was a writer and I used to love writing. People get writer's block because they are unable to write as they are not moving forward with their work and not getting any new ideas. For me, it was like I had a bunch of ideas to write about but somehow I just lost the confidence to write something, my vocabulary was getting bad with time and I was just unable to make even simple sentences and I am feeling those exact thoughts right at the moment while writing this draft after deleting like three drafts before it. Everything was just overwhelming around me and my head was always overloaded with just too much information that I was just taking an input but not processing it and just the raw information or the raw thoughts are there in my mind and I don't have any opinion or analysis or anything about it. It is just there in my mind and just a burden for my head. Until I not process the thoughts that my mind is going through, I just get stuck in this loop of staying at a exhausting routine in a day, where I am just like scrolling twitter endlessly and just absorbing information, reading manga endlessly and just finishing the whole in a single read and finding another one to speed run, watching a series/drama and judging how interesting it is by watching the first half of the first episode and if I got hooked up with it, then the whole season will be finished by me in a single go at that day, it doesn't matter how many episodes are there and what's the duration, taking a new book from my shelf and if I felt there is a depth in the story and a good build up in the initial chapters, then my eyes will only close after the book will be finished otherwise I can't sleep generally. And after the storm, I mean the next day I am left with a satisfaction and also a headache due to being hyper focused for such long hours and with sleep deprived eyes I just survive the day in front of me. 

I don't like speaking a lot in general but if I have my things to talk then I can definitely talk for hours with someone who is willing to listen to me. As I have grown in past few years through interaction with a lot of people, I get a vague idea that where I can speak my things and where I can't and it's just based on how good a person is at listening and how much times they cut my flow of speaking in between. I am a good listener and I can give an ear to any person without considering how long they want to talk, it totally depends on the side who is speaking and I don't have a limit, I have listened to people for 4-5hrs in a continuous manner until they felt calm and I have listened to people even at 3 am in the morning until they were good enough to finally go to sleep. And, I would like to add this point as well that it's not a pretty big deal, I just love listening stories, long rants, complaints, heart break and just anything which somebody wants to share, and these stories always stay within inside me and I am going to carry them until my last breath. In the near future, even if I got into any kind of conflict of opinions with anyone,  I am not going to use our past conversations to confront them, that's not like me.

I usually don't get angry on people actually until they are someone close to me as I don't spare my energy on people who are not worth my time. This thinking have helped me to stay calm at most of the situations where I feel a bit irritated with the choice of words somebody took while having a conversation with me or even the way they behaved with me. The last time I got angry with someone was five years back and which was too deep for me let go off and I just not spoke for three months with that person but then after some time I just forgave him and today we talk like nothing happened in the past. 

As, I had this thought years back and I still carry it within me that we don't have much time and the life is too small for me to carry this small conflicts with me, I like living a very peaceful and calm life and I don't want to carry discomfort within my mind at the end of the day. I can fill my mind with many wonderful things like watching a sunset or sitting in a garden which could be done by me for my happiness instead of carrying these small difference in opinions and this betrayals done by others. 

So, as the time have passed and the thing which I have learned very well is that protecting your peace of mind is much important and being stress free without having worries about not so important things is the best way to live. When you can feel the breeze passing through you, the scent of the air and the calm curtain of the sunrays which pass through the eyes conveying the significance of such beautiful existence of the nature.

(Note - After thinking for a long time and convincing myself, I am finally posting something after a long time. My next few posts will be touching certain aspects of my life and the past journeys about overcoming so many things and making yourself strong enough to face those things and having the courage to post it and convey your words to the readers. I love my readers more than anything who were waiting for my blogs and I promise to be more consistent from here on. )