The boy who writes

 

The boy who writes

-T. Likhit Kumar

 

(This story about a boy Kumar, he got admission in IIT Delhi, his dream college. He thought of sharing his school life story, all the emotions he felt, all struggles etc. with his diary.)

 

Kumar (writing) - Hi bro, I know I brought you a long time ago because I decided to build a writing habit, but because of laziness and procrastination, I forgot about writing.

Diary (speaks) - Hello Kumar. I thought you forgot that you had a diary; you brought me when you were in 12^th, and now you got admission in IIT Delhi.

 

Kumar (shocked) - you can speak? How can a non-living object speak?

Diary – Ah... Yes. I can speak, but only you can hear my voice. Don’t get scared, I am not a ghost. Now, stop questioning me and start writing.

 

Kumar – (speaks) But, who are you?

Diary – You will get this answer, when you complete your story. Don’t worry I am not ghost, soul, alien etc. I am not going to hurt you.

Kumar – (speaks) Ok, Ok .So, today I will write about my school life story, and many incidents related to it. I love to share my things with people who don’t judge me.

 

Kumar – (writing) So, I am going to tell you my story. I am Kumar, who was very confused from starting of his life.  I always want to be free and happy. I was born in a middle class family. My school life was very amazing but there are certain incidents which I can never forget and those incidents gave me a lot of lessons. As I said in the beginning, I was very confused so you will get this answer later on.

Diary – Hmm….

Kumar- (writing) First, let’s start with Nursery; it was like a horror place with lots of nervousness inside me, like what is this place? Why my papa brought me here? Etc.  I was a very confused at that time; I started crying but my father left me there. Slowly as time passed I was adjusted in that environment. I had become a very naughty child and got lot of punishment from my teachers.

After nursery, I entered my school life. I started going to school, which I don’t liked at that time. I made new friends and we played a lot at that time. Preprimary classes were very enjoying and amazing. I can’t forget those moments like running and catching each other, fighting, sharing tiffin except our favorite food items. In home also, I always wanted to play and not to sit at one place and study. But my father took my responsibility of teaching me and completing homework. My primary classes were good and I had some bad experiences also, which I can never forget.

 

Diary – What kind of bad experiences?

 

Kumar – (writing) I remembered some incidents, like when I was in class 3, one girl sat beside me, she had a great attitude and ego. I also don’t like to talk to her, and just ignored her. But, one day in class she irritated me a lot and I got angry. So I pinched her with my pencil and my pencil was not sharp(you can understand a girl can make a nothing into something), she got a little pain , but she told the teacher that blood was coming and at last I was proved the ‘culprit’ and teacher bet me with stick and told to apologize. That girl was not happy with this also, so she called her elder sister in lunch break and that didi gave me warning and a slap on my left cheek and she went away. At that time, I got very angry, so I not ate my tiffin and smashed it in my bag as my ego was hurt at that time in front of whole class. From that day, I slightly started scaring from girls; they were like a ghost to me after this incident.  After this, I left talking to any girl without any reason. I not told my parents anything about this matter and kept my focus in studies. Then, slowly time passed and the final exam was also near. So, I started focusing on my Studies. Then exam was completed and I was surprised with my result as I came in top 5 list of my class, and my name was written in blackboard (I got 5^th rank in class, and only top 5 students name is written in blackboard) which I never expected. From this incident, I learnt about focus and dedication.

 

Diary- Wow, great story bro. This incident teaches us many things. So you are still scared of ghosts. Oh sorry, girls.

Kumar – (speaking) don’t joke man. Yeah, I still scare of girls because of a horrible incident happened in past, which I am going to write now.

Kumar – (writing) So, I want to tell you about two incidents, which I can never forget in my whole life. First incident was, when I came to 4^th class. It was first day and our new class teacher came and she started asking about toppers of previous session. I became happy at that time as I came in top 5 in 3^rd class. Mam started asking of first position of both section, then second and asked third after that she stopped and told now you just read, from tomorrow we will start studying. That time my mind started asking me questions, why always 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd, why it ends up here, so I started imagining thoughts from my mind and I always seen that in every sports, or any competition only top 3 is respected and have a value .This hit my mind so hard and I made a decision that in this class I have to come in top 3 position. But I was a child and so got distracted and started same pattern of seeking pleasure and ignoring pain. But, I can never forget this moment.

 

Diary – I can feel you bro. That pain at that moment, in a child’s mind. His happiness of coming 5^th rank got destroyed in seconds, after this incident.

 

Kumar – (writing) this incident is nothing in front of the biggest incident of my school life which also happened in 4^th class. The biggest embarrassing moment of my life where I have done nothing but because of one doubt I was judged as a culprit.

So the thing was, it all happened one day after Teacher’s day. There was a normal class going and everyone knows that there are some special students who can’t sit at one place and always look here and there. Suddenly a boy shouted. Mam something is written there in the bench. Social period was going on, so social mam came and checked and there was written. (I can’t tell name) the name of a girl and along with that, a sentence said, “I Love You”, and at last the name of someone who written this, which was half rubbed by someone. The name was starting with ‘L’ so there were only 2 boys whose name ended with ‘L’ , one was me and second was one boy, that boy’s name was long so he was free, but social teacher proofed me as the criminal and called the principal mam , she pulled my ear very tightly and slapped me. I told her that I don’t know how to write with chalk and I was not sitting there. But then also principal mam told me to apologize to her, and I said her sorry. After school end, I went home, my friend told the whole story to my father and then to my whole family. I cried a lot, I was very scared also (You can’t imagine how that thing affected a 9yr old boy). Then I not gone school for some days and slowly with that trauma, I completed my 4^th. I learnt a lesson that you are a culprit until you have proof to make your point right or prove yourself innocent. After this incident I started scaring from girls and always maintain a distance from them till today.

 

 

Diary – Oh my god, what a horrible incident Kumar, so are you fine? Have you recovered from this trauma? Don’t you feel angry that you were innocent? Do you got to know, who written that?

 

Kumar-(speaks) Yes, I am fine but that trauma is still there, it will take some more years. Don’t worry, it don’t affect much today. I feel angry that I was innocent, but then also I got punished.

(After a long pause and deep breathe) I never said this to anyone, that I was not an introvert from childhood, I was very expressive kid and was very notorious and filled with energy but after this incident, I became an Introvert with time, I started loving silence and don’t like to talk much, which is not bad also, I learnt to give respect to every single person in my life, and with calmness. I love this change, and now it’s me.

 

Diary - Wow, very deep.

 

Kumar – (speaks) Ok, so I want to write about the turning point of my life, so just read carefully.

Kumar – (writing) this story starts is about, when I was in 7^th class. Many things happened this year. Like, I can’t forget that moment, when I got my half yearly result and I found that I failed in science and my percentage decreased to below 65 percentages. And I remembered that conversation in the PTA meeting, mam told me that, “you have to do a lot of hard work for passing 7^th but if you studied this way you can’t perform well in 8^th “. That time I felt very guilty and sad also because my father was not that happy after hearing my result and some things from teacher.

That day, I decided I have to do something in 7^th to show, I can bounce back. After that I started studying with full concentration and my performance was also increasing from inside.

My studies were going well but with this, something unexpected happened to me when I saw one girl. I don’t know why I can’t remove my attention from her. Whenever I used to think something, her face comes into my mind. Then I start thinking, and asked to some of my friends, what happened to me. They told this is called love. Love, this word which I am hearing second time, after that incident of 4^th class. So I wanted to know what is love, I started finding in internet, I started talking to some friends in class about knowing about this matter. Then I heard a new term Girlfriend (or short form GF). I then started finding about this in internet. Slowly I get to know about an important thing or aspect of one’s life, i.e. love.

So come back to story, after I got whole information about this, in that the first step was to start talking to her (and talking to girl was like, nightmare or equal to talking to a ghost), so for this I told my one close friend to ask a note from her, so that while seeing that note, I can ask her something and find an excuse to talk to her but, she directly said I will not give and nodded her head. I became sad and I cancelled that plan. In class, our class teacher used to organize inter-house competition, and luckily I was selected at the same house in which she was a captain. In group discussion or house meetings, we have 7-8 members and she always sat at a distance from me, and I was a very shy and scared boy, as well as introvert. So I not got chance to talk also. For projects, she gave me some works like bring photos, articles etc. Which I bring and try to give it in her hand, but always before that she sends someone to take those papers from me. No chance that we have any conversation.

Slowly, time was passing and I remembered that, during free periods I and my classmates used to play random games for enjoyment, and one time we played Truth and Dare. In that I revealed that I like that person. But I also got to know about my competitors, 2 persons, one is a topper and other was the smartest or the coolest boy in class. So my mind told, you can’t compete from them, it’s impossible as they are far good from you in impressing that person.

So, I got my answers after playing truth and dare that, they are more perfect from me and have better personality. They always talk to girls so they have experience and have a far better sense of humor, and they have speaking skills better than me. So, at that time a great thought came in my mind, “imperfection is the first sign to become perfect”. So, I left the idea of impressing and proposing that person and started working on myself.

For forgetting that girl, I made a decision in my mind that, I was just attracted to her face not to her soul. So, this is attraction not love. I decided that I will leave these all and focus only on study and do a lot hard work. And at last at the time of result, I got 5^th position in my class, and my performance had improved a lot.

 

Diary- Great story bro, you had your first heartbreak. You failed first time but you bounced back. So, what are the things you learnt from your turning point of life?

 

Kumar – (speaks) Yeah, I learned a lot of things, like you can’t get everything you want, you have to become capable for some things in life. How you feel about someone, it’s not necessary that, the other will feel the same about you. Never demotivate yourself. Failure is a part of life; it teaches you many things, which success can’t. Beauty in the heart is more important that beauty in the face, and lots of experience…

Kumar – (writing) after this, I changed my school because my previous school was till 8^th. And it was a new chance for me to frame myself because no one knows me. So, i made some rules like, I will always focus on studies and it should be my first priority. First impression is the last impression, so I decided that I will be the same silent and calm person I was before, but try to connect with my environment. I will be myself and not change my personality to impress any person and many more things…

 

Slowly time passed, 10^th came with a surprise of Covid 19 pandemic, and my life fully changed after that. I spent 8-9 months with myself, without having any long conversation with any person. I started reading books; I got to know about myself more, I was studying and very stressed about my boards; I was adapting the new normal.

And, I can’t believe that because of stress and anxiety, I became depressed. So, I wanted to come out from depression, so I started reading about mental health, what are the reasons, why it happens etc. From there, I got some points like, keep your mind empty, don’t take stress about the future, and just focus on present. And, if you are an introvert, then share your feelings, or write your thoughts in diary, it will help.

So, I started writing my thoughts in a notebook,  and tried to have a conversation with my surroundings. Then slowly, I came out of my depressed phase. From there I got to know that, how alone I am.

 

Diary – You were in depression, did anyone knows about it?

Kumar – (speaks) no, no one knows except 1-2 friends. I not told anyone because, people still believe that depression is a taboo. So, I not told. Because I believed in myself that, I can overcome it.

 

Kumar – (writing) so, after lot of hard work, I passed 10^th with great percentage. I took Science stream and started preparing for JEE Mains because IIT is my dream. So for 2 years, I forgot everything, all enjoyment, all distractions and given full dedication for the competitive exam because my dream is more important than my excuses. And finally, the hard work paid off. After passing JEE Mains, and getting AIR under 500 in JEE Advance, I finally got admission in IIT Delhi.

 

Diary – Amazing story, it gives a lot of things to learn from your school journey. Lot of hurdles came in your life, but you never gave up, you were moving forward and learning from every aspect of your life. You learnt from friends as well as enemies also.

 

Kumar - (speaks) thanks, yeah. I learnt many things from my school journey, like everything is temporary, so don’t cry and waste time on what you lost and start focusing on what you have and work for what you want. Just learn to forgive and forget some people. Your goal and dreams is the most important thing, without it you have no purpose in life. Love is necessary in life; it can be a person, object, your goal, dreams etc. Heart breaks, break ups, failure are part of life, everyone has to face it, and you can’t fly until you fall down. Hard work will definitely pay off, just believe in you.

 

Kumar (speaks) - So, I have told my school life story. You promised me that you will tell, how can you speak with me and who are you.

 

Diary – Kumar, I am no one else, but you only. I am your inner self, just came to accompany you in writing your life story and to say thank you for believing in me. Don’t worry, me and you are not different, we are one single entity. And I will be with you till you are alive.

 

(After this, a bright light filled the room for 5 seconds and after everything became normal, that diary flew up and felled in Kumar’s lap. And he smiled while tears were dropping from his eye)

 To be continued....